Monday, March 31, 2008

Not feeling like I belong

You know its funny,
Sunday I was in Park Slope walking on 7th Avenue with the wife and kids. Trying to feel a little Spring in the cold Brooklyn air.

And it’s all just so perfect isn’t it? You know what I mean, right? The happy faces, the little kids on those wooden bicycles without the pedals. The cool coffee shops with people from other cities sitting outside on benches reading the Sunday Times.
The “oh so feel good” atmosphere around there.

Isn’t it all enough to make you sick?

Are those people just so perfect or what?

Ok, Ok, I know what you’re thinking; Ron’s got a big old chip on his shoulder because he doesn’t live there. He’s just “stuck” in Kensington with the rest of us and will probably see his face taped to the cash register at “Golden Farm” before a Barnes and Nobles ever opens on Church Avenue.

The number “one” location in Brooklyn where people want to live, according to a recent study, Park Slope and all it’s pretty Brownstones. Oh, how precious.

Well, let me tell you, I just don’t get that wooden bike thing. What the hell is that all about? Every time I see a little kid in Park Slope with one of those things it looks like he’s struggling to find the pedals with his feet. Except they don’t have any, so he just keeps pushing with his little shoes hitting the blue stone sidewalks they got over there.

Am I missing something, or is that some kind of child abuse?
How would you like it if I took the steering wheel out of your car one night. Not so "educational" now, huh?

Well my three and a half year old Kensington daughter has a steel bike with pedals, and although she can barely push them with her little legs. She’s never “fooled” by the lack of white plastic she rests her “Mary Jane’s” on. Not to mention she stays in the same spot all day because she keeps pressing backwards on the brakes. So we don't scuff our shoes here in Kensington, and although we hardly move, at least we have pedals.

So I say,
Kensington 1, Park Slope 0.

Oh, those beautiful tree lined streets.
Well, most of the blocks up there are on steep grades. Let’s see someone trying to play a decent game of street hockey over there like we did on East 4th. I don’t think anyone allows their kids to play with anything round between 7th and 8th Avenues either. No wonder those kids on the wooden bikes only travel East to West, and all those balls down on Court Street. Yes, now it all makes sense!

And we only lost our pucks and balls to Mr. Blank and our wives.
So in my best alto, I say,
Kensington 2, Park Slope 0.

Parking, Parking?
Ha, ha, ha.
We have driveways and you don’t.

Kensington 3, Park Slope 0.

Should I go on, this is a slaughter you know.
There’s no comparison.

Schools, Schools?
Well, ahhhh, daaaa, ummm.
I spend almost 900 bucks a month, and you don’t.
At least I’ll be prepared for when it’s 4000 a month for college.
Writing checks every month for private school is a lot of fun and forces me to sell old car parts on EBay.
My kids see me working all the time, even on a Sunday morning.
So living in the wrong district in Kensington forces me to always figure out a new way to make a buck.
And my kids will never think daddy is lazy.

Kensington 3, Park Slope 0.

Ron Lopez was born in Park Slope Brooklyn.


Ron Lopez was born in Park Slope Brooklyn.

You mean the home of real published authors and television comedy writers, Park Slope?

Where they actually try to help other areas of Brooklyn instead of throwing mud in their faces?


The place where my Mom grew up before she moved to Kensington?


Where my Dad went to school?


Where my sister Isabel went to school?


Oh well, now you got me feeling really awful.

And my wife wants to buy my daughter one of those
wooden bikes too.
She says there from Norway or something like that.

Aren't all those Norwegians suicidal or something?

And don’t they have that Norwegian Parade in Bay Ridge every year?

Did I mention that it was the number 2 location where people want to move after Park Slope.

Oh, don’t get me started on Bay Ridge.
And let me rest this big chipped shoulder,
Because it's starting to really hurt now.

Ron Lopez

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Anonymous said...

I can tell you that back in 1970 and around that time people were running out of Park Slope, to come live in Kengsington, like the Dilberians, who some still live on E8th, and it wasnt because of high rent it was because of high crime! ironicly they lived accross from P.S. 123, ha. But it goes to show that Kengsington can be the Phenix that will also rise, its all up to the people who live there today, support the good businesses, and more will follow. I remember when they could'nt give those brownstones away. Will

Anonymous said...

Yep Will it was due to crime...summer of 69'...they moved us to east 8th and friel pl...Tks Mom,DaD....Mike D.