Friday, January 29, 2010

The Annoying of Kensington

They find a reason to complain or whine all the time.
And it can be for just about anything whatsoever.

The other morning while I was in the bagel store, there was a woman who had to “point” to the exact plain bagel that she wanted toasted.
Ok, you have about two dozen plain bagels; they all look exactly the same. Exactly the same I tell you.

“No, I want that one, I want that one”

The guy behind the counter had to go through at least eight or nine bagels before he got it right, while the woman was steaming because he didn’t pick the right one the first time.

And of course being the rude, impatient, “stroke seeker” she was, she didn’t even say “thank you” after she got her order.
She just walked out cursing under her breath.

So the parade of “schmucks” continued that morning.
As soon as she left, the next guy in front of me has to get all exasperated about the most minor minutia. His bagel’s butter, the proper corn muffin, and the fact that one of the guys didn’t have change for a twenty-dollar bill.

“Don’t forget to say thank you,” I said as the jerk walked out the door while cursing under his breath too.

“How do you deal with people like this all day?”
I said to the guy behind the counter.

“I don’t let them bother me, I just think about my wife and children in Mexico, and try to smile, and besides everyone is different, and there's nothing you can do”

You know what, he’s a better man than me, because I just couldn’t deal with jerks like that all day. No, I’d take my hockey stick and my six three, two-ten pound body and crosscheck them right into the glass in front of the store. Then I’d make sure to “accidentally” kick them in the head before skating to the penalty box.

“That’s five minutes for intent to injure for number 31 Ron Lopez”
“And a game misconduct for not obeying your wife”

“A game misconduct for not obeying your wife?”
“But she’s not even here?”

“Well, you didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher this morning before you went to the bagel store, and the laundry is still sitting in the washing machine for two days now”

So I skate to the penalty box, slam the door,
spit on the ice and threaten the fans behind me.

Ok, sorry, I think I’m getting angry here too.

But you see what these people do to the rest of us “good, normal people.” They even manage to piss me off, and I’m a real calm guy you know. Because nothing really bothers me, and I really mean that.

Well, not exactly everything.

Did I ever tell you the story about a car that parked in my driveway back in 1978? I backed up my 73 Buick and took out his side door, and then I put the Buick back inside the driveway and took the subway to the city.

“You mean you damaged his car
because he parked in your driveway?”

“I’m from Brooklyn, what do you want?”

“People just can’t park in your driveway, that’s
like someone hitting on your wife or girlfriend”.

“Well, I don’t see your point, and I think it borders
on the “picking the right bagel” syndrome.
Even if you think it’s something different”.

“ I don’t get it, a bagel and a driveway are two
different things. One’s flat, while the other’s round
and can fit in a toaster when you slice it in two”.

“That’s exactly correct Mister Lopez,
just like living in Brooklyn,
everyone is different”.

Some are impatient,
Some are annoying,
Some are angry,
Some whine,
Some complain.

Yeah, I guess the guy that works in
the bagel store was right after all.

Yes, everyone is different,
and there's nothing you can do”

Well, someone once told me something I always remember,
after you're long gone, how will you be remembered.

Thats something I always think about and value,
because that's what really matters.

Ron Lopez


Anonymous said...

6'3", 210; oooohhhhhhh what a big, strong, tough brooklyn guy

DM said...

Thanks for sayig what I usually only think (but sometimes say).