So this morning I heard on the radio that the New York City subway system is once again in the crosshairs of another terrorist attack. And once again I have to laugh when I hear about these congressmen from “Hayseed Iowa” looking for money form Homeland Security to make their grain silo “bomb proof” or have enough iodine pills for the cows when that “dirty bomb” goes off in the middle of their cornfield.
Um, sorry Gulmer, I think I’ll end up splattered on the white tiles that say “Church Ave” long before your cow gives birth to a two headed calf with webbed feet. So fuck you and your quest for Homeland security money, no, we are still the target and the bulls-eye still says “NYC”.
Oh, and petty crime… Ok, I blame the shitty economy on the rash of car tires being stolen and dashboards being ripped apart on the side streets of Kensington and Windsor Terrace. Did I ever tell you about the time we had our copper leaders stolen right from our house here on East Fourth in the "depression" 80's? It’s a good thing I have the cheap tin ones now, because they’re not worth shit at the scrap metal yard. But still I stress that it’s much safer here than in my birthplace Park Slope. In the land of the beautiful brownstones where every parent and child is “smarter” and "funnier" than you are. They usually find thieves in their apartments late at night rather than the front seat of their Toyota Corolla parked on Prospect Park West.
So count your blessings folks, even if Church Avenue sucks and we’re not as "witty" as those who live on the streets of “slant”. At least we don't have to leave milk and cookies out for that 3 am burglar watching TV in our living room while choosing the best jewelry to steal.