Friday, March 13, 2009

A Brooklyn view of the world

This schmuck Bernie Madoff…

I just don’t understand how people can live their lives stealing from others. I mean this schmuck steals from everyone so he can have a nice house and brag about all the materialistic nonsense he has. Including a wife who has more plastic on her face than my 74 Cuda has under the rear quarter panel. Boy, I must have used about a gallon of Bondo to patch that damn thing back in 1979.

Oh, but back to this schmuck Madoff, so this jerkoff is going to die just like the rest of us including the homeless who life in the subway. I wonder what it’s like to be close to death and reflect on your life knowing that you were a very bad person. Yeah, just like the rest of us, except you can expect some devil to be sticking a pitchfork up your ass instead while your in Hell.

Gee, I’m sure glad I’m not Bernie Madoff,
because that must really hurt.

Biting off more than you can chew (your big mortgage payment)

Ok, so I was just as bad as the next guy when it came to taking out home equity loans and refinancing my house a hundred times. But if there was one thing my grandfather Paco taught me it was always be nice to your tenants and fix something as soon as it breaks. Because if it wasn’t for my tenants, I’m sure I’d be up the creek without a paddle. So some advice to my fellow landlords, kiss your tenants asses, because without them you’d be nothing but a red dot on a foreclosure map. Yes, I love my tenants and didn’t raise any rents this year. You see Bernie, that’s how you can die feeling good.

That chimp up in Connecticut that chewed that woman’s face off.

Ok, so the woman that owned that chimp slept with the freaking thing? Let me tell you something, I don’t want to imagine for a minute what the hell was going on between her and that monkey. That’s just all some real freaky stuff that belonged in a lab rather than someone’s bedroom.

Alabama and German losers who kill others first before themselves.

Ok, so I was told that if you shoot yourself first, you can then shoot all those devils with those pitchforks in Hell who are trying to hurt Bernie Madoff. Now, that would be fun right? And you wouldn’t have to hurt anyone else who’s above ground right now. But those nasty devils with those pitchforks, I know they’ve “done you wrong” so why don’t you just go and get them before they hurt Bernie.

Buying a car from GM right now.

Now why would I want to buy a 30,000-dollar car from a company that might be out of business soon? I see all your ads in the Daily News and NEVER give them a second glance. No, Ron Lopez is not going to buy a GM car right now no matter what kind of deal you’ll give me. Here’s a little advice to GM from the man in Brooklyn. A 30,000-dollar car is a lot different form a four hundred dollar washing machine. If I knew Maytag was going out of business tomorrow, I would still buy that four hundred dollar washing machine without any hesitation. That’s because I’m not going to be driving it around with my family in it or taking it to be serviced somewhere. No, I can just call Vinny from Servue appliance repair if there were any problems. But that 30,000 dollar Chevy Impala? Well, I just don’t have the same confidence in that product right now, and I hope you can understand why I just skip over your car ads in the Daily News.

Riding your bike in Prospect Park with all your spandex and almost
hitting people (especially little kids) who cross WITH the light.
All because you think you are in the “Tour de Fart”

You know I’m six three two hundred and twenty pounds, and I’m an ex-hockey player. I can also roller blade like hell and can take you down like a little girl on a tricycle. Listen up all you little girly men riding in spandex, if you fail to yield to people who are crossing with the light in the park, I will take you down. Or better yet just throw my hockey stick between your spokes. Hey, why is it that when I ride my bike in Prospect Park I actually stop for people who have the light, while you don’t? So please beware of a six foot seven (add four inches for the skates), guy with a hockey stick in the park. He may just be the last person you see before Bernie Madoff with a pitchfork up his ass in Hell.

Ron Lopez

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hate to think, what we all know is going to happen with Made-off. we all know that he,s going to a federal prison, big screen flat screen tvs, Cuban cigars, conjugal visits,I fucking hate this country sometimes!. He should be put in general pop at Rikers, now thats doing time the right way for destroying so many lives, I had to laugh at the guy they were intervewing on channel 11 thismorning, with the Burberry scarf, I don't think he was that pennyless, Will