Someone please explain

So these are the things I just don’t get and they
sometimes really annoy the hell out of me.

Why do people rush to grab a seat on the F-train just to get up two stops later? I mean these aren’t tourists, these are people I see every day on the train. And I’m not talking about some 85-year old woman here; I’m talking about some fairly young people who should probably be standing instead.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

To the dim wit car service driver who’s blowing his horn at six am on a Sunday morning across the street by the apartment house. Are you some kind of asshole? Don’t tell me you don’t know what time it is. You know when I was younger I used to throw D-cell size batteries out my third floor window at schmucks like you. But my wife doesn’t let me do things like that anymore. But my mom, well she always slept through everything.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

To the woman who works in slow motion at the Kensington Post Office. Let me tell you if I had to work at a job in slow motion all day just to screw the system, I’d probably put a plastic bag over my head instead. Is your whole life in slow motion? Even at home? Does your toaster and coffee maker have a slow motion button? What about your dog, does it pee in slow motion and hate the system too?

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

To the people that want to be oh so polite and park their cars all the way to the end of the spot between the two driveways in front of my house so two cars can fit there. Well, guess what. The Honda Fit that you thought was going to park there didn’t. Instead a Lincoln Town car did and that asshole is blocking half of my driveway. Hey, did I tell you the time I backed my Buick Century into the fender of a car blocking my driveway? Yeah, my mom, she slept through everything.

Oh yeah, I'm on a roll and couldn't care
less about the money I lost in my 401K

What about the people who stand in front of the turnstile at Church Avenue and take their Metro Card out of their pocket at that point instead of 10 seconds before. We're all behind you waiting for you to swipe your card. Hello, take the freaking card out BEFORE you walk into the subway station.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

Ok, here's a really good one, people who actually have a video screen mounted to their dash board and are watching a movie while their driving. No, No, not a car service computer, I've seen them. No, I'm talking about the driver of a car watching a movie while he's going 65 miles per hour on route 17 on the way to Middletown New York. Do you think "Scully" the pilot of that US Airways jet would have landed that thing like he did if he was watching the "Blues Brothers?".
I think not.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

Ok, ok, people who freak out over the "lead content" of their apartment and them smoke in front of their kids. And asbestos you ask? Let me tell you Pete and I pulled it all down for my grandfather in my basement over 35 years ago and we're still among the living. Yeah, the same people who complain about asbestos probably smoke in front of their kids too.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

Ok, Ok, you have to read the comments section below.
You folks are cracking me up.

So here I am standing against the door at the end of one of the cars on the F train. The door that never opens unless you want to end it all and jump on the tracks. Well, no matter how crowded or un-crowded the train is someone will always squeeze right under my arm and stand right next to me. And no, not a good looking girl like when I was 25 years old. No, usually some little guy with a beard and glasses. One time I got so mad I put my arm around this guy and said; "I was waiting for you, where the hell were you last night?". Yeah, that got him away from me real fast I tell you.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

Oh maybe I'm just getting old thats all.

People that HAVE to talk on their stupid cell phone as soon as the F gets into the open air headed towards Smith and Ninth Street after Carroll. All this time from when you got on the train at Jay street, three stops before, you HAVE to call someone to tell them "you're on the train headed towards Smith and Ninth". Didn't you just call them a few minutes before to tell them you were going into the subway at Jay Street??? Hello, I have a good idea, why don't you have one of those GPS tracking devices sewn into your skin so your husband or wife can just track you on the computer at home. This way you wouldn't have to annoy everyone else with your senseless babble about nothing.

Someone please explain, because I just don’t understand.

Remember the "Hulk" when Doctor Banner starts to turn green?
Well, I try so hard to not turn "Brooklyn", but sometimes I just
can't help myself. It just comes out you know.

Ron Lopez