Friday, December 5, 2008

Oh Rats!

You know I was reading this article in the paper last week about how rats only live in the better areas of Brooklyn. Fort Greene, Park Slope, Bay Ridge. Hey, but not Kensington.

Well, that’s fine with me, because I've been living in these parts for fifty-one years, and have never seen a rat on East 4th in my entire life. Oh, but then there was “Vinny the Rat” from East 5th, but I don’t think he’d be worthy of a 311 call to the NYC health department. And besides he drove a Trans Am.

What got me thinking about rats anyway was my experience yesterday at the 50th street Rockefeller F train stop.
So there I am minding my own business, and a freaking rats right by my God damn feet looking for food or something.

What the hell, aren’t those things afraid anymore? I was tempted to take my size twelve, (yes I wear size twelve) and squash the thing. But it would have probably got all over the place and made a mess.

Hey, you gotta hear this one guys, a few years ago my wife had a rat in her Brownstone in Fort Greene. The thing lived in the basement at night and would crawl under the bathtub while she was bathing.
The rat would bang away under the tub like crazy and drive my wife nuts. You know the thing could have even been in the drain pipe, wouldn't that be a surprise while your in the tub, huh?

Boy was I glad to move back to Kensington.
We may not have cool restaurants or a farmers
market on a Saturday morning, or even a view
of Manhattan from our bedroom window.
But at least we don’t have rats.

Ron Lopez
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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey you never know, those things may be a delacacy for some of the newcommers, I'd stay away from any skewerd meats untill this whole thing gets checked out, jk, well kinda, Will

Cousin Pete said...

Sorry to disappoint you Ron, but I remember one big mother rat on East 4th and it scared the crap out of all of us in the late 70's one summer night. We were all sitting on the stoop - you, me, Neal, Glenn, Robert, and maybe a few of the younger guys when someone was looking across at the Margarter Court. Up from the basement where they stored the garbage cans in a hallway comes this HUGE rat and it makes a beeline straight for us. Half the guys jump up because they think it is going to make the fifty feet and leap up on the porch in about three seconds....but when it starts crossing the street toward us, some car comes whizzing down the block and SPLOOSH - it squishes the rat flat....blood and guts all over. Somebody grabbed a snow shovel from our hall (they were there year-round) and they picked up the squished rat and thrw it in the front yard of the apartment house.....Don't you remember?? You screamed and almost fainted!!

Cousin Pete

Randy Reis said...

Hey Ronnie, we had more than a few on East 4th between Greenwood and Ft Hamilton. Me and Inky used to chase them with hockey sticks!!


Randy