Thursday, July 31, 2008

Top Ten Reasons why Raccoons make good house pets in Brooklyn

10. If you live in a trash strewn apartment they
can always eat a path towards the door in case of a fire.

9. You can spray shaving cream around their mouths and
let them roam around Ocean Parkway at night, hopefully
scaring off the people stealing the GPS’s.

8. You never have to buy them “pet food” because there’s
always something to eat in your neighbor’s trash or garden.

7. Their “gray” color never really goes out of style,
unlike an “orange” cat.

6. They give the out of state truckers a warm feeling when
they see them on Caton Avenue at night, and hopefully
keep them awake so they don’t drive right through
some ones house.

5. They are cute and cuddly and can kill your neighbor’s
annoying chicken colony.

4. They probably don’t smoke and drink beer like all the
raccoons do in upstate New York. But then again I think
the ones upstate are just bored, depressed and
can’t find work.

3. When you sleep with them and then get on the F-train
in the morning all you have are some scratches and grey
fur on your clothes. Which is nothing compared to your
strange downstairs neighbor who sleeps with a porcupine
and a wild turkey. Try explaining quills and a feather
sticking out of your ass to someone.

2. Even though they're never in class and spend all day
rummaging in the dumpster out back, they still manage
to somehow "intimidate" their teachers into giving them
passing grades.

1. They make us listen, they make us write, they make us laugh,
they make us think. Those little raccoons made me proud to
be a part of this city, no matter who’s side your on.
And they stirred up more conversation on the KWT site than
any "Pre-K" spot at PS 154 ever could in a million years.

Ron Lopez

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