Vol 3, Kensington and WT True or False

There was once a “Planet of the Apes” marathon held in the Beverly Theater back in the late 70’s. With the air conditioning system broken, the temperature inside was well over 90 degrees.
And we may have been going delirious because of the heat, but we could have sworn Charlton Heston actually walked out of the screen and started beating us with a giant banana. Although after much thought it may have just been Beatrice the “bearded theater matron” hitting us with her billy club.
True or False

Saul’s appetizing and Edna’s restaurant, the last two truly Jewish delicatessens on Church Avenue were both leveled one morning after a hurricane swept through Kensington. Reports from the National Weather Service confirmed that hurricane “Christian” was actually a “remote controlled weather system” sent out by the Vatican in Rome. And apparently it accidentally destroyed both restaurants after Pope John Paul sneezed while holding the “joystick”.
True or False

It seems that I may have really pissed off the “No Land Grab People” here in Brooklyn. Because this morning I found my bedroom window open, and I’m sure they planted an electronic device in my ear. It plays that song “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot” over and over in my head. And also causes me to dream about Bruce Rather wearing a “Sponge Bob” thong at Coney Island with horns growing out of his head.
True or False

What you may think as just being a gigantic antenna up by Bishop Ford, is actually the skeletal remains of a gigantic paper mache Godzilla. It was constructed back in the 50’s by PS 154 schoolchildren to protect Kensington & WT from the dreaded “Smog Monster”. And apparently was sent by a mad scientist living in an un-finished basement of a Brownstone in Park Slope.
True or False

The MTA purposely named our train the “F”, because they knew that we’d be getting F’d every day we ride it.
True or False

Korner Pizza uses a “K” instead of a “C” as a show of love towards “K”ensington.
True or False

“Bozo the Clown” from the popular children’s television show of the 1960’s, actually appeared at the Beverly Theater once. But unfortunately he was heckled off stage by a group of un-ruly schoolchildren who were turned off by his “unrealistic” looking red hairpiece and larger than normal “alcoholic” red nose.
True or False

"Denny’s Steak House" on the corner of McDonald and Church Avenue actually has a secret machine inside that turns all the customers into “day laborers” by the following morning.
True or False

Ron Lopez


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